Insisting that SHE has to change doesn't open the door to a handling. Therefore I pursue the idea that he must have some similar characteristics himself. That is, he is projecting on to his girlfriend something he is doing himself. I ask if there is a part of himself that doesn't talk about what he feels. Bingo, there is.
He has a polarity between being talkative, but superficial and irresponsible, or being responsible and business minded, but not talking. In other words, the part of him that feels the real issues isn't the one that is talking. When he talks well he isn't dealing with the real issues.
We do a polarity integration on that. There are unwanted feelings that keep the two polarities apart. We do re-experiencing which turns up past life incidents as a Gestapo officer. After clearing those the polarities can then integrate. He will then be able to both be responsible and communicative. We futurepace it by visualizing how things will be different in the future because of that.
When he comes back to the second session 3 weeks later things had indeed changed. He was able to do many things he wouldn't otherwise do and his life has taken a better turn. He originated that excitedly and it indeed seems to be a permanent change. He still had problems with the girlfriend though, and is kind of hopeless about it ever being resolved. The attempts of getting into it in that session don't seem to get anywhere.
A month later he comes back. All his business and money matters have been going great since the first session and he operates very differently with it in life. However, he comes in filled with anger about the ex-girlfriend who won't communicate her true feelings to him. I ask him what he would do if he acted on his feelings. He says that he would go and beat the crap out of her, but that it wouldn't be very sensible, of course. But I have him look at what his feelings are attached to, not his intellectual evaluation. This leads naturally to an imagined future incident of confronting the ex-girlfriend and showing his true feelings and beating her until she communicates what she feels. We address that multiple viewpoint and get the lessons that would be learned from that. The main lesson is to communicate one's feeling right when one has them, and not let them build up over months. Both of them had not been communicating what they felt, and he had sort of assumed that it was only her. We then visualize how the events would have happened differently if he had had that ability all along, to communicate his feelings in the present. Then we visualize himself in the future having that ability, we magnify the qualities of the picture, and we creatively spread it around in his life. He appears very empowered and balanced and seems to feel that it has been resolved.