Fourth-Density Relationships

Germane: Greetings to everyone. This is Germane. We'd like to thank you all for coming this night. The title of session is "Fourth-Density Relationships". We would like to encourage you to feel free to ask any questions that are on your mind on the topic.

We are going to start out by talking about the transformation from third to fourth density. As you've heard us say many times, one of the characteristics of third density is separation¾whether it be separation from the God source, from each other, or separating aspects of yourselves within yourselves.

This idea of separation has been necessary in third density to keep you in the third density experience. We are not saying in any way, shape or form, that the separation that you have been a part of on your world for the last several thousand years is in any way wrong, bad, negative. It is part of the experience that you have all chosen.

As you are moving from the 3D into the 4D reality, one of the main qualities of fourth density reality is integration, or reintegration. Therefore, the laws or premises that you have in 3D reality (based on separation) can no longer operate successfully in 4D. If you attempt to carry the premises and beliefs of separation into a 4D reality and refuse to let them go, you can literally tear yourself apart emotionally.

A lot of what many of you are feeling in your own growth (whether it be relationships with lovers, family, friends or yourself) is almost a sense of urgency about letting go of certain things that have been carried for quite some time. This feeling of urgency has to do with the idea, literally, that you are moving from one vibrational reality to another. The set of beliefs and premises that were operating in one reality cannot be sustained in the next. So you are feeling that desire to shift beliefs, to shift premises, and therefore shift the way you live. To some degree it is as if someone has handed you a tangled ball of yarn. There it is in your lap, you don't know where to start to untangle it. The only thing you can do is start where the easiest place is to start.

3D Relationships

Bringing this into the topic of relationships, the premises and beliefs of 3D (separation) were necessary to maintain 3D relationships. Let us share with you some of these principles. Principles based on separation can be as follows:

Secrecy. This has been a big one in your society. Secrecy is withholding information from your partner or from yourself. Secrecy does not just operate on the level of your interactions with others; secrecy keep you separated from the greater portion of yourself, as well. The idea of secrecy has been very important to maintain relationships in 3D reality, because it is an expression of separation.

Fear-based Monogamy. Another expression of separation is the expression of what you would call monogamy¾fear-based monogamy. We are not talking about monogamy by choice, we are talking about monogamy through fear. That has been an expression based on separation. The premise basically is that if you can get someone to commit to you, then you thus take yourself out of the flow of having to deal with relationships and you are safe. You are separate from the rest of the world. Separate and safe. This is monogamy based on fear.

Conditional Love. Conditional love has been an expression which has been very vital to maintaining 3D-type relationships. Conditional love means that you will love someone only if they fulfill your needs or conditions that you set out. If they do not fill this, you will withdraw your love. There has been a noncomprehension in 3D reality of the meaning of unconditional love. When you are dealing from a separative framework, the only way you can view everything else is through that framework of separation. And so love therefore (the old definition of love in 3D) is love based on conditions.

Expectation. This means that you go into a relationship with someone with expectations in your mind that maybe you are not even aware of. If you are aware of these expectations, you attempt to get the other person to fulfill those expectations. Again, the person is used to satisfy the need of the person seeking the relationship.

Manipulation. This is another quality often inherent in 3D relationships. This can be very covert. It is overt in some cases, as well. However, in the classic 3D relationship there can be very deep-seated manipulation plays being done so that each person will get their needs fulfilled or will be protected from their fears. So often the idea of manipulation is carried out to protect you from your own fears. If you manipulate the other person, you can thus not feel your fear.

The Need to Control is also a quality inherent in very solidly anchored 3D relationships. This is a mistrust in reality¾that everything is happening the way it needs to be, or for your greater good. The need to control says you do not accept that idea. You thus must instead shape the relationship, force it, mold it, because you do not trust it will be what it needs to be by itself.

We will stop here because there is literally a lot more we can say on this. It will come out later in the session. Let us go to the 4D idea.

4D Relationships

Since 4D is based on integration or reintegration, the characteristics that were once status quo in 3D relationships can no longer be sustained in 4D. Literally, the vibration cannot sustain separative ideas. Qualities inherent in 4D relationships would be:

Honesty (Non-Secrecy). The couple or the unit must have, at all costs, honesty instead of secrecy. This means if you see in your friend or partner that they are doing something that is sabotaging to themselves or to the relationship that you speak that observation instead of withholding it (so you do not hurt the person's feelings), or so that you can continue to control them being in the relationship. Literally we are talking about polar opposites here.

3D is Secrecy, 4D is honesty. We cannot stress to you enough how important honesty is in a 4D relationship. If there is no honesty, there cannot be a continuation of that relationship in the 4D model. It is that crucial.

When we say honesty, we are also talking about honesty with the self. Many of you will at times keep things from yourself to keep you feeling safe. Within a 4D reality, it is very difficult to keep things from the self. You may wake up one morning, and you may suddenly realize that the relationship you are in no longer serves you. That must be recognized for the flow to continue. We are in no way saying, "You need to adopt these characteristics now!" Not at all. You will do this naturally. However, in this transition period now between 3D and 4D, you are being hit with qualities from both. As this happens, you will need to make some choices about how you wish to continue in your relationships.

We will state that if you choose the integrative model (the 4D model) and you truly become that idea (not try to become it) you will not feel the pain of loss in any situation, in any relationship. You will only feel pain or loss if you are either in the 3D relationship, or deluding yourself into thinking you are in a 4D relationship. That will be when the pain of loss comes up.

Again, we do want to stress to all of you that we are not saying you must do this, and you must move into 4D relationships. Not at all. You have choices. You can make the choices. It is entirely up to you. However, we want to help illustrate for you the package deal you may be signing up for if you make certain choices. It is a package deal.

If you make a choice based on separation (a 3D model), and then expect to live in a 4D relationship, it is not going to happen. Recognize where your choices are based. Make your continuing choices from there.

Let us go back to the qualities of 3D and 4D relationships. 3D relationships are based on secrecy and 4D on honesty; 3D based on conditional love and 4D based on unconditional love. Every being has the capability of experiencing more unconditional love than they ever have from moment to moment. There is never a limit to unconditional love. From this point, your experience of love has been 3D. Literally, you will need to build your own definitions of unconditional love because it can only be conceived of by experiencing it. We know you've heard definitions. We know that all of you can come up with definitions. But those definitions are partially intellectual. They are not yet 100% brought down to the emotions. Unconditional love is another vital part of 4D relationships. That means loving someone with no conditions. If they don't fulfill your needs, you still love them. If they do not carry out your expectations, you still love them. You love them for being who they are without attempting to change them. It is an in-the-moment type of experience, whereas conditional love is always based on the past or future, not in the present. Unconditional love is based in the present.

Absolute Trust. This is the opposite of the 3D quality of the Need to Control. There is no need or desire to control. It is not as if you must get up each day and say, "I must trust today." It is a beingness. When you wake up each day you are not worried about keeping your spirit in your body. You don't focus on that. It just happens. So, 4D is like that. The trust is there, it just happens. Control vs. trust.

Allowingness. This is the opposite of manipulation. Allow. Allow the other person to be who they need to be. Because only then will you truly see, in fact, who they are. If you attempt to manipulate them, you never see who they really are. You see who you need them to be.

Relationships by Choice. This is the opposite of Monogamy from Fear. This means that if you want monogamy, it is by conscious choice. If you want polygamy or polyfidelity, it is by conscious choice.

It is perfectly acceptable for you to choose any of these things. All of these things are inherently neutral. They do not have a built in meaning. You ascribe them meaning by judgment. One is "better," one is "worse." All of these choices are neutral, any that you choose can work for you. However, if your conscious choice is to move into a 4D type relationship, you will not be able to do that if you keep holding on to any of the premises from 3D. They will need to be shifted and rearranged.

As you shift from a 3D to a 4D perspective, many people will in fact experience fear. Literally you are going through uncharted territory. You can't see necessarily what is over the next ridge. So it is frightening for a lot of people. That is perfectly fine. But if it is something you really want to pursue, let that fear be okay. When you come out on the other side of the ridge, you are going to realize that you identity is not based on another person. Your identity is based on you. You are the only one with whom you can rely on. You will feel that power, that clarity, and that liberation and release that comes form recognizing your own power.

It is really interesting, because in 3D type relationships (separation), you have the illusion of separation, but yet you create things that remind you that you are still all connected. For instance, humans use enmeshment in 3D to remind yourself you are still connected. However, the way you've interpreted the idea of connectedness has come out in a way that is detrimental to you rather than supportive. Enmeshment is the 3D version of connectedness in 4D. It really is a matter of the way you look at it.

When you feel enmeshed with another person in your life and it hurts, stop for a minute. Take some deep breaths. Remind yourself that the enmeshment is there to remind you that you are never separate from the other person ultimately. Separation is an illusion. No matter how far away you go, you are not separate from the person. If you can begin to emotionally heal the fear that you will no longer be with a person, you are going to start to feel the sense of connectedness that will then replace the 3D enmeshment idea. You will no longer need to create fear through enmeshment. You will thus create connectedness through your expressions in all of your relationships.

Many of the dysfunctional symptoms in 3D are your way of reminding yourself of some of the qualities of 4D relationships. But they are translated through the veil of separation. So they come out a little askew. However, they are there as reminders and tools. They are there to help you ease the pain in your interactions with others.

Comments or questions?

What is the energy standpoint from 3D and 4D? We know that integration is occurring on all levels. Seams are coming apart, and other things are forming. We are going to be seeing changes. What do you foresee?

For one thing, these things started in the 1960s of your time. You started to feel the shift of 3D to 4D in terms of the expressions of your relationships, but you haven't known what was happening. You haven't known that you could go with the energy and heal it. Instead, you've tried to resist the change as a mass consciousness. You've seen the great rise in divorce since the '60s. Much of this is the resistance of the change until there is a snapping point.

Divorce is a 3D solution. Breaking. Separation. Divorce is the idea of separating oneself to artificially create the illusion that you are not connected to that person. The 4D version of "divorce" will be the recognition of two people that the relationship is going in a different direction, and that is allowed. There is no separation, because you can never be separate. You allow the other person to move in that direction.

Energetically, you are finding that everyone is touched by these energies. Each person is reacting to them in the only way they know how. Some people are denying them. Some people are swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction. Some people are polarizing. Some people are going with the flow. But you are going to find that this issue is not going to go away. It is going to challenge you, and challenge you, and challenge you until you can come face to face with your own feelings of inadequacy and aloneness and how you have sought relationships to fill that gap.

Energetically you will create less disharmony if you move with it. If you create resistance, you will create more discomfort and pain.

When I talk about these ideas regarding relationships with others, they think all it has to do with is sex. No one seems to really get the point.

The buttons are pushed on sex because individuals will frequently ascribe another reason to something as a distraction so they do not have to look at the pain. Sex, being that it is an expression of vulnerability, pushes people's buttons because they do not want to be vulnerable. If they are vulnerable, they believe, they are weak and open to attack. That, at all costs, is to be avoided in their belief. So, they will blame sex. It is not the issue, and never has been. It is a symptom. Your points of view as a society on sex are symptoms of the greater dysfunction. They have nothing to do with the problem.

Energetically you are going to find that as this change occurs, first and foremost internally you are all going to go through changes. It may first manifest outside of you. You may think it is a problem with your relationship. It is not. It is your change inside that you are seeing reflected in your relationship. Always, first level, is inside of you. If you are resisting change, you are going to start feeling pain, confusion, maybe even manifest all sorts of physical symptoms. This will happen if you are not willing to move with the changes that are occurring inside of you and in the mass consciousness. If you are willing to move with it, then you are going to start to see that maybe you will get more emotional for a while, let some things out, then your relationships are going to start to change. Change does not mean they will end. Change does not mean destroy or divorce. Change means change, and that is all change means.

You can then move with these changes and if there is a partner in your life, you can seek to help them move through changes at the same time as you do. Trust that the two of you are on the same path, no matter what choice happens.

We understand that many people in your society base personal satisfaction or success on how their relationhips are going in their life. That method of gauging can no longer to continue to exist. It is an artificial construct that is giving you artificial data generated by you so you don't have to face your fears. That was a tool in 3D. In 4D, it is going to be very different. You will see that if you resist claiming your own power, you will continually seek relationships to validate your own being. If relationships continue not to work and have conflict all the time, the reason for that is that you are still using the relationship to make you feel better. That cannot occur in a 4D type relationship.

You indicated that the new relationships are by conscious choice. All the other issues that you've touched seem to be mutually accepting issues that people can accept totally on their own and then share the fruits of those with another person. That one seems to imply some sort of conditional acceptance by both people of a mode to indicate a relationship in 4D.

No. If we have explained it incorrectly, we apologize. Let us give you an example of conscious choice. Let us say that you are in a relationship with a man (or woman) in 4D. Here is an example of what we are not talking about. You say to the person, "I want a monogamous (or polygamous, whatever) relationship, and I will continue this relationship with you only if you agree to that." No. The choices are entirely for you. If you choose monogamy, then it is only you who chooses not to have sex with others. You don't require the other person to make the same choice. The choices are all for you. They have nothing to do with the other person. If you choose to be non-monogamous, then that choice is for you. Your mate can do whatever they want. You only make the choices for you and no one else. You do not demand that the other person reciprocate. That is what we meant by conscious choice.

In 4D you are acting in the moment. So you are trying to act on your excitement. How do you act on your excitement and include future commitments? One could decide they want to conceive a child because that is their excitement in the moment. But that excitement includes a tremendous commitment with it over time.

In 4D type relationships, the idea of commitment does not exist. Commitment takes yourself out of the moment. If you stay totally in the moment you are thinking of having a child, all of the principles we've outlined for 4D come into play. Meaning¾absolute trust. You do not have to plan for the future. It is trust. Do you understand?

So the idea of commitment is a 3D illusion. What does it really mean? How many people make commitments and they are not followed through? A commitment never insures your security. It placates you into thinking you are secure. That is the difference.

In a 4D type relationship, with trust instead of control, allowance instead of manipulation, there is no concern for the future because there is a knowingness that it will all take care of itself. If you have a 4D woman who wants to have a child, she will not have the child based on the hope or desire that the father will be there. That brings him in to something that is entirely her creation. That idea cannot exist in a 4D reality. Therefore, if a 4D woman wants to have a child, she has the child because she wants the child. Because she wants the child, there is absolute trust and allowance that everything will be perfectly fine. If the woman is Pleiadian, this is reflected in their society's philosophy. They are all part of the same family anyway. It is different from what you see here, although your society will change. Pay attention to when you take yourself out of the moment.

So, if it is your excitement in the moment to conceive a child (and your true excitement, not a compulsion), then in 4D thinking you would have absolute trust that everything from there on out would work fine because you followed your excitement in the moment.

Absolutely! If you continued to follow your excitement all the time from moment to moment, there is no reason to think you could ever not trust.

So you wouldn't think that tomorrow it may not be my excitement to have this child. You would just trust.

Exactly. If you are in the moment¾totally and absolutely¾then after the baby is born, each day, in the moment, there is that child. In the moment, you can love it. In the moment, whatever is there in your reality you recognize as a part of your creation and who you are. There will never be a time where you will say, "Oh, I made a mistake in having this child." Never.

Okay. And also there is an inherent love for your creation, and therefore always an excitement for your creation? It is just a matter of recognizing always in the moment that it is your creation. Not just a child, but any reality that you create.

Yes. One of the reasons why you've had difficulty owning your creations is because you are not in the moment¾you are in the past or the future. It is very hard to see what it is you've created when you are not in the present. If you are totally 100% in the present, you clearly and consciously can own every creation that you've ever had. Very simple. No effort.

In 3D we've been living in polarities and extremes. As near as I can see those extremes have led us into addictions and dependency. The dependency we feel is that we want someone to fulfill our needs. Therefore, we become dependent on the other person. Then in 4D, is all dependency gone?

Yes. Dependency cannot exist in 4D because 4D is integration and not separation. Dependency is a quality of separation¾depending on something outside of you. In 4D, there is a recognition of yourself as the creator, and so when that recognition is there, you cannot put that outside of yourself. It is an equation that doesn't work.

I'll have to state the analogy and then find the question. We stuff our issues in a box and seal the box with a lid called "sex." This is why the issue of sex frequently brings up our issues. Because we open the box and have to lift the lid, so all the issue come crawling out. Is there a way to get at the issues without using sex to trigger them?

Sex is only one symptom. Recognize that there are many lids that cover that box. Sex is just one of those lids. Each person will be able to get at those issues through whatever lid they have that triggers it. For some people it is sex. For others it is money. Some people's issues are not triggered by sex. For others, sex is a really good trigger. It really depends on the individual.

I always find myself not making certain choices because I am sensitive to others. I would rather not cause problems for them. I don't want to hurt other people.

This is a very good question. You have voiced the mass consciousness here. One of the greatest gifts that you can give the people in your life is being 100% you. This means that you be absolutely honest in all interactions and not take responsibility for their pain. We know this is a big one for most people on your world. You cannot ever be responsible for other people's pain.

Some of you have walked down the street and you've seen your friend. You say, "Oh, you got a haircut. It looks nice."

The friend then freaks out and think you are patronizing them. You've all had experiences like this where you've been totally misunderstood. You must, at all costs, express yourself while not taking responsibility for the reaction. You can say nice things all the time, and still push people's buttons.

That is what I've been finding out. I've finally been making choices for myself, and people have been getting upset. But I still want these people as friends.

You cannot sacrifice your own growth and the growth of others for a relationship based on illusion.

Well, most of these people have been part time meta-fizzlers. They like the concepts, but they don't want to apply them in their lives.

Good term. We might borrow that one. This is another one of those topics where we can't stress enough to you that the greatest service you can provide to your neighbor is being fully who you are. Let us give you an example using a fictional model. Let's say that a woman is afraid of heights. And let's say that she came into this life for resolve a lifetime where she jumped off a cliff.

Let us also say that her husband recognizes that she is afraid of heights. So he makes sure she never is around anything high. How is she easily going to be able to face what she came here to face if the husband keeps steering her away from the heights? It makes it more difficult. It prolongs the pain.

If, in the husband's excitement he says, "I want to go hot air ballooning. Do you want to come with me?" She may just say yes because she recognizes it is something to move through. She cannot do that unless the husband gives her the opportunity to face those issues.

This is what we mean by enmeshment. You've lost the boundaries between you and other people. You try to protect other people. But in reality, you are really only trying to protect yourself from their anger, disapproval or invalidation. So the husband thinks he is protecting his wife from her fear. What he is really doing is protecting himself from being witness to her pain, or from guilt that maybe he caused her pain. He is protecting himself. At the same time, he is enabling the wife to continue being afraid and avoid her fears, when that is what she came here to face! The biggest gift you can give anyone in your life is to be fully 100% who you are. It is then that each person will be challenged. It is then that each person can take responsibility for their lives, fears, and emotions. Those emotions and reactions are never caused by someone else. They all come from you. The greatest gift you can give in a relationship is to not hold back who you really are.

That is one of my button-pushers here. I don't think you have the right to emotionally hurt another person. If they don't ask you to be completely honest and hurt them, why do you have the right to hurt them?

There is a big difference between deliberately hurting someone and being who you know yourself to be. If the husband dragged the wife to the top of the cliff and forced her to look over the edge, that is deliberately hurting her. Being who he is naturally is not hurting her. If she chooses to be hurt, it is her choice. But there are no victims. There cannot ever be victims.

If you ever believe in any instant that someone else can hurt another person, then you polarize between victims and hurters. That is then the way you will see the universe. There is a big difference between deliberately hurting someone and being fully who you know yourself to be.

You may not ever know what will hurt your mate. In your innocence and excitement, you may take her to one of those cliffs not knowing about that fear. How can you protect yourself from doing that? You can't. The outcome is the same. The only thing you can be is fully who you are. That is empowerment. That is disengaging yourself from the covert connections you have with people, and recognizing the greater spiritual connections that you all have that you have always had. You can never hurt another person. Never!

If you are not being your 100% natural self, then you are manipulating people around you. I don't see there is an exception to that.

I've examined times in my communications with others where I've "softened the blow." My partner and I have thought that our excitement would be too much for the other person. In second guessing what the other person's reaction would be and then altering our natural self expression, we've always screwed up the communication.

You compromise your integrity when you withhold. If you do not express who you are, you are lying. You are lying to yourself. You are lying to the other person. That is an even greater hurt than the truth. Then they only know you through your lies. They do not know who you are. They cannot ever love you for who you are, because they don't know who you are.

Withholding your excitement for fear of hurting another is a 3D idea. You cannot carry this into 4D if you want to truly express who you are. If you look at a Pleiadian, they would never be hurt by the comment of another. This is because they recognize that they create all comments that happen. They are the ones generating their reality. They cannot be victim of hurt.

If you are continually protected from the anger of another (just like if you are continually protected from the cold), someday you are going to have to go outside and because you've never felt the cold, it is going to be devastating to you.

It is, in one way, honorable that you care about the feelings of another. But in one way, it is also insulting. This is because you do not allow them to ever fully be who they are. You protect them from the things that you fear, not necessarily the things they fear. This is a no win situation.

What if you find yourself wanting to express following your excitement 100%, and yet you find that others are telling you that it would hurt them? How do you deal with those situations in the transition we are in now between 3D and 4D?

At the risk of sounding really rude, to hell with what the others think. You may tell others that you understand what they are saying, but to hold it in would eat you up inside. Be truthful. To hold this in will be lying to the other person. You can tell them that. If they don't agree with you, that is their choice. But we don't believe that most of you really know what happens to you inside when you hold back truth.

When you hold back that which you are, it submerges itself. It buries itself into your cells. It starts building painful toxins first on the emotional level, and then actually on the physical level. If you do not express who you are 100%, you must store those judgments of who you are inside of you. Those judgments eat you up. Cancer, heart disease, and all of those lovely things you have on your planet are a result of your own judgment that you are not worthy to be fully who you know yourself to be. You stuff it. The more you stuff it, the more diseased you get. Literally. Stuffing these things can cause tremendous pain throughout your life. Releasing these things will cause ecstasy.

You can retrain yourself to know who you are and the first step is that in a confrontive situation, first think what it is you want to say. Let yourself think it first. Many of you don't let yourself think about what you really want to say. You stuff it before you can really cognize the idea. Write it down. Say it into a tape recorder. Get comfortable with who you are. This will naturally teach you to express yourself without the heavy judgment you've had in the past. But if you are not even allowing yourself to think these thoughts, you are not going to be able to train yourself to speak them. You won't know what the thoughts are. Let it be okay to start thinking them. Write them down. Externalize them. Get them outside of your energy field so they don't lodge in your energy body. You are all divine portions of the creator. Your design is built to 100% every moment channel the energy of All That Is. All That Is is neutral. All That Is is neither positive nor negative. It is stasis, balance.

When you deny and shut off any part of yourself, you shut off the very foundation of the energy of your creation. You judge that only parts of you are worthy and the other parts are not. It throws you into disharmony. Therefore all of your relationships to some degree have disharmony¾reflecting that which you feel within. You cannot withhold any portion of you.

You will be able to learn to tell when what you have to say is balanced an integrated compared to when what you have to say is an attack or is a manipulation. You will learn how to tell the difference. The more you practice, the more you will be able to tell. If you feel you want to take gradual steps into this idea of expressing who you are, then before you express get yourself centered and feel if what you have to say is balanced and integrated or do you have a desire to be fulfilled by your expression to that person. If you do (to get them to do something, for instance), then there is a hidden motivation and the expression may not be clean. But by all means at least express it to yourself. Know who you are. Listen to your thoughts and feelings. Get out that pent-up energy. Your relationships are going to blossom and change when you stop taking responsibility for the other person's reaction.

Before you express something, ask yourself what desire you have in the expression. Sometimes you may find that the desire is to change the other person. That is not a clean idea. Sometimes you can see that. Other times you cannot. There are times when you cannot see it, times when you say to yourself, "It is clean as a whistle," and you express your thought. If that expression is an attack, you are expressing it to someone who has a belief system that they can be attacked. So what you are doing is providing for the other person a way for them to heal their belief systems by providing that stimuli.

In the expression, whether it is attacking or not attacking, you provide a way for the other person (the recipient) to learn and to grow. If they have no issue about being attacked, they are not going to feel attacked. If they believe they can be attacked and that is one of their issues, they will feel attacked. Again, you cannot take responsibility for how the person reacts. You don't know how they are going to react! They may not be triggered at all. Your interactions with each other are choreographed in perfect synchronicity. There is no reaction that doesn't belong. All expressions belong in the context they are expressed. It cannot be any other way. There are not mistakes in creation. There are no wrong things. There is only neutral expression, and the synchronicity of All That Is.

If your wife walks up to you and says, "You are a jerk," if you feel hurt, then that's part of the synchronicity for your own growth.

I understand that. That wasn't my question. Let's say my wife walks up to me and says I'm a jerk, and she does it after she has thought about it and believes it is clean and is not an attack. Let's also say I have no emotional reaction to it, so it's fine. She can tell me I'm a jerk, and that's cool. If she has perceived that she is clean on it, and if it is indeed an attack...

Then she will eventually make the recognition because your lack of reaction will not satisfy her needs. So it's essential for her to express that, whether she thinks it's clean or not.

Okay, I was just picking hairs because I thought you were saying that we all will be able to discern all the time whether what we wanted to say was clean or not, and I don't agree with that. In fact, I'm not saying that it has to be clean. I'm just saying that it is our experience that we will not be able to discern. In the addictive state, we will not be able to discern what is clean and what is not. One of the things I think is so wonderful about relationships is that we can love each other enough to be mirrors for that discernment.

Yes. All right, let us clarify. We apologize if the language was misleading. We suggest that as you're training yourself to express that you first ask yourself if it's clean or not clean. If it's not clean and you can recognize it, then go ahead and process it however way you want to do it. If you think it's clean, then express it, because that in itself is part of the growth process. We did not mean to imply that every time you analyze it you'll have the answer. That is not what was implied.

What if it is your excitement to do something (like go to the movies) that your mate is not excited about?

If your excitement is based on another person's cooperation, it's not true excitement. If it's your excitement to take your wife to a dance, but your excitement is based on her cooperation, it's not clean. If it's your excitement to go dancing for the sake of dancing (not based on anyone else's excitement), then it's clean, and in your excitement if she is truly excited, then you will have matched your vibrations.

What is the fine line of deliberately hurting another individual? If you talk about something with your mate¾knowing that it will hurt that person emotionally¾do you have the right to hurt that person or could you just channel that energy of excitement in another direction?

You will never 100% always know what will hurt someone.

But if you do.

But you can't know. It is not possible. You may walk up to your husband one day. He may be feeling absolutely joyous and ecstatic, and you may say, "You look like a pig today." And if he feels really good about himself, that's not going to hurt him in the least. You cannot ever know what will hurt another person. So stop trying to take responsibility for the other person's reactions!

Is all this based on a concept of victimhood? I don't think you mentioned victimhood per se in the third- to fourth-density relationships model.

Well, third-density relationships often express victimhood. Fourth-density expresses self-responsibility and self-empowerment. Victimhood would come into it, but we didn't make it a major point. We are not sure that you are understanding or accepting the concept that we are saying. If your husband is 100% in his Godself and in his joy and excitement, you could say the nastiest thing to him in the world, and it will not hurt him. You can never hurt another person. They can choose to feel hurt. You cannot hurt another person, ever, because each of you (like it or not) are totally responsible for your own emotions and reactions. This in and of itself can be a great freedom, because it's the way to take your power back. Recognize that the bottomline intention is never to destroy but always to love. Even the most heinous acts are an outcry to learn love. That is the bottomline intention of creation, underneath everything else. And every action is based on that intention of learning to love. Examine your beliefs. If you really believe that Creation is Love, if you really, really believe that, then every action, every instance must support ultimately that belief. If you believe that actions can actually hurt, then there's got to be a belief somewhere in there which says that God or Creation can be hurtful.

Maybe I can help clarify things for the questioner. No other person knows what is going to hurt me. And to withhold a comment because it will hurt someone is assuming responsibility for their emotions and thus for their growth. No one else in this room is prepared to accept responsibility for another human being's growth. To do so will actively (if they're in a weakened or unempowered state), inhibit that growth and actually sabotage their own life's growth and the things their chosen to confront.

It will lock your relationship into third density, also.

This was something I was going to ask in direct relation to the earlier question. Let's say I'm in my relationship with my husband and I say to him, "If you have dinner with another woman, that hurts me, so don't tell me about it if you do that because that hurts me and I don't want to hear about it." That's okay to ask for that, but that's secrecy and it's third density. Right?


So it's fine, but it's choosing third density instead of fourth.

Yes, there's nothing wrong with it, but recognize that's what you're choosing, so you can't expect a fourth-density relationship if you are choosing third-density interactions.

If you choose third density, then you're right, he has no right to tell me that or to force that upon me.

But isn't that also expecting conditional love?

[Everyone in unison] Third density!

You're making a choice based on third density, secrecy, so all the other parts of the package deal go with it.

Where does the hurt come from and why is it still there if we're in this transition and we should be looking at these fourth-dimensional relationships? Why do we feel third-dimensional hurt?

You are looking at the fourth-density relationships. In letting go from the third density to the fourth density, many people are choosing to feel the hurt. Almost in the same way as when you're frostbite, and you start getting the feeling back in your feet that it really hurts. It's a significator. Many people are using it that way, to remind you that you can still feel.

So it is quite all right to continue to choose third-density principles. Absolutely, it's fine. It's all equal anyway. However, do not expect to choose third-density principles and expect the package deal that comes with fourth density, because the cruise control does not come with third density. It's one package or another package. You cannot mix the packages!

In all honesty, those in the room, reading this, and listening to the tape are groundbreaking these ideas. These are threatening ideas for a lot of people, and those who do choose to embrace the fourth-density principles are going to choose to be exposed to the ground breakers. You all must start identifying yourselves and sticking together!

If I have truly chosen fourth-density relationships or to move into fourth-density relationships which are by choice, honesty, unconditional love, allowance, I won't feel any pain, correct? If I'm feeling pain in my relationship, then actually...

You're holding onto something from third density.

So whenever I feel pain, then I need to go back and look at this versus that, honesty versus this and find out which concept I'm holding onto.

Exactly, exactly. If you could 100% embrace the fourth-density idea of relationships, no, you will not feel pain. But some of you are holding onto some of the third as your are grasping for fourth, and you're feeling the pain, which an indicator that you are making the change, and that's quite all right. But if you feel that you're really in fourth but there's still this one thing, then go back and examine what premise or belief that you have that is based on third-density separation.

Again, let me repeat myself. If you are feeling any pain in a relationship, then I am desperately trying to hold onto some third-density concept within that relationship.

Yes, exactly. Now, with respect to your channel, we will have a short break.

Sasha: All right, this is Sasha. Greeting to all of you.

Greetings, Sasha.

It's a pleasure to be here with you and especially talking about one of our favorite topics. We're going to lighten it a little bit in the second half, and we're just going to throw out to you that some of you have expressed some interest in the past about knowing personally about some of my relationships. That information is certainly available tonight if you would like to ask, just as a model so that you can be presented with a different way of having relationships. Our way is not any better or any worse than yours. It's simply different; it's an expression of who we are.

Germane gave you quite a lot of information and this information that he's given you are the tools you will now have and carry into the future relationships that you have in this life. It doesn't have to be through pain that these changes are brought about; it really does not. Now, of course, if your belief system says that you must grow with pain, then it's more than likely you will manifest it, but you don't have to manifest pain. And you will begin to see, as you apply some of the tools that were given to you this evening, some of the understandings, you will begin to see changes in yourself and in your relationships.

We cannot stress to you how much we mean what we said about that. You will see changes if you start to recognize when you are operating from third-density principles and attempting to bring them into a fourth-density relationship. When you start recognizing that and you start changing yourself, you are going to see tremendous, powerful changes within your life. Do not be surprised, and those changes will bring ecstasy and joy. They do not have to bring pain.

Now, we'd like to take this opportunity to just be available to you for questions. So we're going to let you orchestrate this part of the evening. What would you like to talk about?

As you look into our future on Earth, what probabilities do you see?

From the probability that we view, the way we see the changes in relationships happening is that the next 20 years is the crucial point. And within the next 20 years we perceive first more stress in relationships that are fighting change¾overall, not necessarily in every single relationship. The actual overall societal change of relationships may externally seem to be a change brought about by necessity¾necessity meaning single parents, perhaps with the shortage of a certain sex in a certain age group.

However, what will bring about changes in your relationships will not be these external things but will be the internal momentum of your change of energy. The external things will just be symptoms of the change. Do you follow?

So the next 20 years are the most crucial in our estimation. After that, you will begin adapting with less resistance overall, but of course within the next 20 years there need to be pioneers and groundbreakers, and many of you will choose to be such pioneers, and that is up to you and your personal choices and your agreements. But you are going to see changes in this lifetime, absolutely 100% guaranteed.

Now, we would like to talk about the idea that is threatening to many of you, but as you know is a very solid foundation of Pleiadian thought. And that idea is the ability to love more than one person simultaneously. Third density is the density of polarity; literally that means two ideas are present, like two ping-pong paddles with a ball in between, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. That dynamic cannot be broken in the density of separation and duality.

As you move into fourth-density type relationships, you're going to find that this rigidity is not necessarily going to work for you. It can, but it might not necessarily work for you. And so the introduction then of a third or a fourth or a fifth person is going to change the dynamic totally. And that is something that we would like to address, because there are many fears in many of you about the idea of loving more than one person simultaneously, and these fears are based in third-density premises so they cannot be applicable in a fourth-density reality.

One of these premises is that if your mate loves another person, it takes away the love they can have for you. That is a third-density idea, because using the paddle idea, you have a finite amount of energy that you're batting back and forth with the ping-pong ball. You are batting this ping-pong back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. There is a finite amount of energy expended between these two because there's no expansion. Now, if you in third-density, insert a third variable, you are going to affect the energy between the two paddles, most definitely. The dynamics will have to change.

In a fourth-density structure (which has been outlined by Germane), the ideas of unconditional love and trust, living in the moment, honesty, etc., are present. These 4D ideas do not support the idea that a third, fourth, fifth or millionth person entering your relationship can take away from the love that a mate can feel toward you. It cannot happen. Absolutely cannot happen. Period.

Now, those of you who have spoken to us at length are aware that presently I have a single mate. I was also in a mated group, and in this mated group, the intensity of the love between the individuals was as strong, as intense, as equal to the love that is now felt between myself and my one mate. If another mate comes into my relationship now with my mate, it will not be a break in the flow of the energy. It will simply be an adding of another facet through which the energy can travel. And that is the difference between third- and fourth-density relationships when you're talking about the ability to love more than one person. The basic structure of third-density is set up to support the idea of duality. The basic structure of fourth density is set up to experience multiplicity. So therefore, the amount of love is never less in a fourth-density relationship. Do you all follow? Thoughts,comments or ideas or questions on this?

In third density it is so hard for me to see past the element of time. When you're used to having a mate and therefore spending a certain amount of time with that mate, and then you bring in another mate, there's a certain amount of time spent with her that in my mind I perceive isn't spent with me. I get caught in the time factor.

Well, if spending time with your mate is equal to the idea of you not spending time with your mate, there will be no problem here. There is an inherent inequality within the emotions that is saying, "This is better than this, so if I don't have this, I am deprived." Do you follow? Now, again, we're not saying, as Germane was not saying, that you must at all cost heal this, you must just go for it. Make your choices. As you start choosing how you want to live, these things are going to begin coming up. But recognize where the time element comes into it. It is not time. It is your identification with something that is equal or unequal in your reality. When you love yourself unconditionally, then the time spent with your mate will be equal to the time spent alone.

So when I spend time with my mate, I'm not alone. When I'm not with my mate I'm alone, so because of the aloneness, I don't feel the one is equal to the other.

Exactly. And again in fourth density, as Germane was saying, the recognition is there that you are the generator of your happiness. You are it. And so when that recognition is there, that is when it is equal to be with the mate or to be with yourself because you love yourself as much as you love the mate. Both companies are appreciated. Both are equal. And when you see your mate, it's exciting in the moment; when your mate is not there, you are excited in the moment with yourself.

Sasha, when you lived with a group, did you all live in one dwelling? I know now you two have separate dwellings.

We did live in one dwelling that is very similar to the one I live in now only on a larger scale. Did you want more on that?

Well, no, I was just curious about that because. Did you each have your own rooms in that dwelling?


So that you could be by yourself as much as you could be with someone else.

Yes. There were basically three different phases of environments. One were rooms of privacy, if you will, that only we entered. Then there is a secondary room where you enter with a specific group, invited guests you may call it. And then the third environment is the entire community environment, which is open to all. Question. Or comment.

We have a lot of barriers in our society toward this information¾some of which are religion and societal conditioning. Can you help us learn how to share this information with the public and teach a new form of relationships?

Just like you cannot be responsible for hurting another, you cannot be responsible for enlightening another. Do what you can. But don't start any more crusades!

Each way is really different for each civilization, because the way that you will heal this is parallel to your identity as a species. So for instance, the Pleiadian viewpoint on the relationship issue came about because of our past and who we were in the past and through this evolution we came to this point. The same thing with the Essassani, and the same thing with the Orions. Now you on your planet, through who you have been as a species, will develop your own personal way to make this transformation. We do not perceive, at least right now, that there is a method by which to communicate with Earth humans that is any more thorough than what we have begun doing with you.

The shift is going to happen. It is going to happen quicker as people consciously make choices to pursue these things. It will take longer if they resist it, but the transformation to fourth density is going to happen. The critical mass is going to happen. It's just a question of when. And that is up to all of you and whether you choose to take the bull by the horns or whether you choose to run from the bull. Either way, it is still going to happen.

Sasha, one of the other trouble areas in relationships is that a lot of third-density relationships have been based on really feeling like you own or you possess the other person. I assume in fourth density that is completely absent.

That feeling of ownership or possession is the idea that Germane was talking about¾having to deal with the need to control. So it's that issue. Just with a different twist, or not even that different.

Sasha, you seem to be willing to talk about your own history tonight.

We knew you would be the one to bring it up.

Of course! Did you go right into this group from puberty?

Again, the line of puberty is not as defined as it is in your culture. After puberty I did a lot of studying and traveling and had relationships that you might call "flings." But when I came back to my planet and built a homebase there, that's when I was in the group.

So you were with the group 10-12 years or so?

Equivalent, yes, very rough, but it comprised the greater portion of my relationship experience.

And we've discussed before that there were seven members of this group, one non-Pleiadian and six Pleiadians. Is there anything further that would be helpful in terms of how and why you left the group? I assume the group itself also disintegrated.

Yes, it was simply a recognition that the excitement of the individuals involved in the group had changed. Several of the individuals wanted to go off the planet and explore, and some chose to go into a more quiet time. So when the excitement to change the relationship was recognized, there was no resistance, there was no fighting, there were no tears or anger. It was a recognition that the next step was to move in this direction. And because we had not anchored the past or the future into this relationship, it was a natural movement from one state to another.

One last question along these lines. We know that the Orion relationships are changing, that since the Dawn they will be reevaluating, rethinking their entire concept of relationships not based on conflict. We are going through relationship transformation. I would assume synchronistically that your civilization would also going through relationship transformation. If that's true, what is the nature of that transformation that you're experiencing as a culture?

We're not so much experiencing a change in relationships as you are in the same way. It's a little bit different. The change that we are experiencing has more to do with our change in our relationship with other species in that to some degree, not out of a sense of prejudice, let us say, but we have often preferred relationships with Pleiadian entities. We are opening up possibilities of relationships with all different types of species, and therefore for instance, to give you a very dramatic example, let's say there's a species who is so nonhuman that the sexual expression becomes impossible. We are learning the expression of that sexuality and that love in other ways. You follow?

Yes, and the time that you invited Bashar [an Essassani] and Harone [a Zeta] to your dome...What happened?!

Harone was baffled to say the least. You know those Zetas.

But that's the kind of thing you're discussing. That was kind of a landmark...

We never said that inviting them to the dome was a sexual experience, but that represents our reaching out to other species more than we ever have. Now, regarding the group that I was involved in for that amount of time¾we've said six Pleiadians and one non-Pleiadian¾the non-Pleiadian was Essassani. That was not so much of a challenge, but he taught us a thing or two.

He was married to every other Pleiadian also, right?

Were there any children in that group?

No. No children.

In third density, we have a situation where when children have been adopted out for example, it seems like it becomes very important to many of them to find out who their genetic parents are. A lot of this searching goes on. Maybe, in your situation you have enough control over your sexual activity that you know when you are being fertilized and when you aren't. But in the transition that we're going through we have not developed to the point where we're always aware of that. Does the child always knows who their mother and father are? Does it become important for the child to know?

No. The idea of some individuals feeling the desire to know their true parentage is a reflection of the society's or your mass consciousness's need to gain your identity through your past. And if you were to live in the moment, that becomes irrelevant, because literally the past does not hold your answers; the present holds your answers. So because the children in our society are literally the children of all¾which is something we do share with the Essassani¾no child feels unwanted. No child feels the need to find their identity through their past. They are very secure in their identity in the present. Again, a different developmental structure.

If sexuality is allowed to have its natural place which is everywhere in everything you do, it can't be used against you, can it?

Exactly. Again, sexuality is not sex. We're not talking about the sex act. We're talking about the natural flow of energy in creation that is sexual/sensual in its nature. It is of a creative vibration. Now, many people have made the comment that they feel the sensual energy from the Pleiadian entities, and that is simply that we allow that energy to flow; there is no sexuality/nonsexuality. There is simply one expression, and if that is the case, sex does not become a big deal. It cannot be used for control or manipulation.

What is interesting is that we have had encounters with females in your society (through this channel) who have found us threatening because of the sensual energy perhaps that they are perceiving in us. We are therefore threatening to them because perhaps we may gain more attention in a direction they don't want to look at within themselves.

Not only that, but I haven't met a man who hasn't sat here and said, "Hmm, going to bed with Sasha..." I mean, any man that I've been around, that I've ever spoken to about being around your energy, all of a sudden this is the ideal sensual package that they all think they've been searching for.

And we tone it down quite a bit!! [Laughter] Generally, if people judge their own or others' sexuality, they may be very threatened by our type of energy.

On our planet and in third density, there is so much emphasis on body types. I will be attracted to a certain body type; someone else will be attracted to this body type. Right now, we are all supposed to be skinny body types and physically in shape, and we're not supposed to have extra weight on us, etc. etc. In fourth density or in Pleiadian reality, is there any attention at all on physical body type?

No, there is no attention on body type. Now, we may have preferences, but the preferences are sooo unimportant.

Well, if you're all gorgeous, then why make a differentiation!

But do you know why we are all gorgeous?

Yes, I know. You all feel wonderful about yourselves, you feel beautiful, you feel healthy, you feel vibrant.

That is very accurate. If you all felt that way, you would all be "gorgeous" also. But one of the reasons why you perceive that you are not all gorgeous is that being in third density you still must create ways to separate each other from each other. So you come up with wonderful excuses for separation such as, "I can't be with that person there because they're too skinny, they're too ugly, they're too tall."

Oh, conditions.

Exactly. Conditional love. Separation. Those symbols have been necessary for you to maintain the third-density identity. When you move into fourth density, those symbols will change because you will change.

So you as Pleiadians can enjoy the differences in each others' bodies?

Oh yes. Most definitely. Now granted there are not a lot of differences in our bodies, but we can certainly appreciate those differences when they are there. Most definitely. But those differences are not from the result of trying to keep ourselves separate. They are natural diversifying characteristics.

If you are so together and whole, why is it there is a need to have another individual as a mate? If you are whole and not separate, you would have all that male and female inside your body. So what is the need for a mate?

There is no need per se, in the sense that we do not need to seek this idea. We may choose to have the idea literally for reasons of enjoyment and fun. Do you see what we mean? Enjoyment. When we express ourselves sexually with another entity, it is not that they fulfill a need for us. It is that together we play and we rejoice our own individual connections with the Creator. But it is not a need in any way.

It always seems in our society that people have relationships out of needs.

Yes, that is a third-density idea.

So basically there is a separation on many levels of ourselves and so we need to keep looking for relationships to fill the void.

Exactly. And that is the cycle. If individuals keep looking for someone else to fulfill their needs, no one else will ever fulfill their needs, so they will have a series of unsatisfying relationships. When you learn that you are the only one who can satisfy yourself, that you are the only one who can fulfill yourself, all of your relationships become joyous and ecstatic. When you do not need something from another individual, you can enjoy them for who they truly are.

It's almost like a paradox here. How can you really tell that it's not out of a need for joy? How can you tell if it's just for joy?

It's a good question, and in no way would we ever say to you that if you discover a relationship is out of need that you should disregard it and throw it away. In fact, we would say, don't swing that opposite way if you discover that. So discovering it in this particular case is not necessarily a way that is going to change it. Living the relationship, recognizing your motivation and living it and healing through living it rather than rejecting it is going to be much more helpful. It's quite all right to be in a relationship out of need. Recognize the need. Work with it, but do not reject it because of the need because you'll keep creating relationships of need that you need to reject. Do you follow what we mean?

I'm thinking of multiple relationships at one time, having¾this individual and this individual and this individual¾and finding you're able to love all these individuals. Isn't that being loving out of certain needs and out of the separations inside the person?

Does not have to be. Can be. If the person is looking for things that they want inside of themselves in someone else and so they have all these different relationships trying to get those things into themselves, then it is out of need, yes. But if the person possesses all those things inside of them and is operating from total joy and ecstasy, they can have a relationship with none or one or many people based on joy, fun and excitement instead of need. Do you follow? There is a fine line. There is a difference.

Sasha, why do you think it is so hard for us to visualize the relationships that you are talking about, the ones that we're heading toward?

Because the visualization of these relationships¾if you take it past just the intellect¾triggers a tremendous amount of fear, and so the fear will reach out for protection and will often put a wall down, so you cannot imagine it so you cannot be threatened.

Just visualizing a relationship that wouldn't fulfill my needs would scare me. Because that's what I'm in it for!

Yes. exactly.

Could you offer us an interpretation of these needs as pointing to our eventual evolution into fourth density?

Yes. Fourth density is integration. Third density is separation. To use an analogy, separation is all the ingredients to make a soup sitting separately on the counter. Integration is the entire soup itself. Now, if you're going from third to fourth and seeking to become whole, you must first recognize what the recipe requires. The recipe requires carrots and celery. The recipe needs those things, so for you to recognize those needs will allow you to chop them up and throw them into the pot which will then become the true expression of who you are in an integrated way. If you do not want to look at your needs, you will not know the recipe, you will not know how to cook the soup, and it will take a lot more energy, pain and struggle to eventually try to make up the recipe in a dark room. You see? The needs are important for the eventual outcome of integration.

So your needs in and of themselves again are neutral ideas. They have no value except what you ascribe to them. You cannot judge those carrots on the counter as being wrong. How can you judge the carrots being wrong? It is your needs that are those carrots. They are ideas that will eventually be put into the pot, which will eventually become a very valuable thing. Nothing exists without a purpose, and your needs, as dysfunctional as they may be, are still eventually part of that soup and therefore very valid and very important that you read those lines in the recipe and chop up those vegetables and make them a part of the creation you are attempting to bring forth.

And the trick is to not expect to get the carrots from your mate.

Exactly. You have to be the one to go out and get the carrots.

Go to your own garden. In the way that relationships are set up now where it's based on needs, if my mate does not provide the needs that I expected my mate to provide, I become angry, and obviously I think I'm angry at him but I'm angry because I'm not getting my needs met through my own efforts. Then in fourth-density relationships do you not have anger, or you don't have that particular expression of anger?

We don't have the expression of anger in the sense that we attach it to another person. We do not have that particular expression. There are times when we recognize, however, that perhaps we have not been true to ourselves. Now again, we're talking in ways that are different than you, where we will recognize that we have embraced a reality that we don't prefer, and the anger that is felt from that is not externalized.

You're not attacking someone.


Sasha, in the book "Messages from Michael" in the first few pages Michael was discussing the fact that one of his purposes for channeling information was to get us off of this attention on relationships and help redirect our attention on self-improvement (that's a paraphrase). It seems to me that part and parcel of third-density relationships has been that the relationship would take precedent over all else and that one of the things that we're going through is the realization that personal growth must take precedence. As long as the relationship takes precedence, personal growth will always have to suffer. Do you want to comment on that?

Well, the way we will comment on it is that in one way there is no must in the sense that you are very welcome to choose relationships over personal growth, but don't expect the fourth-density package deal with that choice. If you want to choose a relationship to be more important than your personal growth, then recognize it's a choice of separation and that with that choice comes the package of third density. If you choose personal growth over relationships, you are choosing to integrate yourself, you are making a fourth-density choice and then you can accept the fourth-density package to go along with it.

So neither one is wrong nor right. We are simply saying in terms of your choice, recognize what you get with that choice.

But if you choose personal growth, then you can use your relationship to enhance that?

If you choose personal growth, everything in your life (including your relationships) will enhance that.

Recently my relationship changed with my mate and I went on vacation. The last thing on my mind was a new relationship. But it came into my life suddenly.

You have given yourself an opportunity now to make a conscious choice. Do you want to pursue this relationship from a third-density perspective, getting the package deal there, or do you want to pursue it from the fourth-density relationship and getting the package deal with that? So yes a whole new world has opened up for you which can do nothing but enrich you in the long run.

I have one question. Back in this needs issue, I'm pursuing or engaged in a relationship by intention at the fourth density, and I find that there's a tendency to go back and forth. The intention is to maintain the fourth density, and if I don't stay conscious of that intention really clearly, then there's a tendency to think I need to fall into third density and fulfill needs for the other person. And even if I'm able to say, "No, I refuse to do that," then I start sometimes feeling guilty that if I'm involving the other person totally at a fourth-density level, then there's no room for them to get their needs met by somebody else if that's their choice.

Ahhh, but there is. We are sorry, but would you narrow the question and ask it again.

Well, I guess, the bottomline question with that as a set up is I don't understand why I even feel concerned that I'm depriving them of getting their physical or physiological needs met by another person, if that's the case, from my third-density perspective.

You cannot deprive another person. If they feel deprived, it's their choice.

I appreciate that, but why does it seem to be my choice to feel like I'm doing that? That's my question.

Because you are making the transition from third to fourth, and you're recognizing the specific areas that you would like to clear. There is a part of you which still needs to feel validated by providing for another. And like we say with the soup, that need is okay. It needs to be seen and put in the pot in order to transform into the soup. So your seeing that in yourself is very important.

I follow, and I feel it's a very good answer, and I can tune into it. But that still doesn't mean that I would then meet those needs? Just recognizing them rather than meeting them.

We're not understanding the exact question.

Well, I think you are because you answered it perfectly! You said that when I recognized the need that I would then put them in the pot. But does that mean that I would then be physically satisfying those needs, or just recognizing that her needs exist?

Her needs?


That doesn't matter. You are not responsible for whether her needs are met or not. All you are responsible for is what in your integrity you would like to give to a relationship. That is all you are responsible for.

What Sasha is not saying is that you cannot satisfy those needs of another person.

But you can play out that game, pulling yourself back into third density, which is exactly what I do not want to do. But sometimes I seem to feel that I could just get out of the way and she could get her needs satisfied whatever way she wanted but that's depriving the potential of the fourth-density relationship.

Literally 75% of anger in relationships stems from one partner or the other believing or being angry that the other person is not fulfilling needs. Seventy-five percent. Now, imagine what a relationship would be like if you did not need to be fulfilled by another. For one thing, the level of anger would be very, very low¾hidden anger, hostility, nearly nonexistent.

You cannot know what the other person's needs are. They will not verbalize them; sometimes they don't even know themselves on the conscious level. If you try to get caught in the game of satisfying those needs, you will get caught because it is a game, and because the person is seeking to have needs met outside of themselves, they will never be satisfied, and then they will be angry.

So all I can do is present myself at my fourth-density awareness, and let it be whatever it ends up being. And just be pure in my own intention.


One of the things that we ran into was that I finally started examining what I felt my needs were, and my two basic needs were safety and protection. My husband tried to provide that safety and protection for me, but he would have no idea how I want that provided. In other words, my idea of safety was for him to put his arm around me every time we walked into a room, but he didn't know that that was what I wanted.

Exactly. You can never second-guess another person, whether you're trying to protect them from their emotions or you're trying to communicate to them, you cannot know, so the only thing that you can do is be 100% who you are. Period.

So this now leaves us with one more need: the need for somebody to be with us that maintains the fourth-density intention also. Obviously that is a trap.

If you have that need, you're not in fourth density. You are still playing the third-density game.

Is one of the reasons that new relationships are so delightful is because we haven't started manipulating the other person?

Yes, there has not been time yet for the new person to fulfill or not fulfill your needs. That's why that sense of ecstasy is there. However, as soon as they either start fulfilling you or not fulfilling you, the anger, whether covert or overt, starts setting in, and that's when the manipulation and the control begins.

That is so correct, because I was just thinking about the new relationship I was in, and it started out, I remember saying, "I don't expect anything from it," and then I realized about two months into it that I couldn't say that anymore, I expected a few things!

If the excitement and the romance does not peter out by its own nature then it's simply sabotaged to death. Am I on track?

Yes. Now the Pleiadian relationships framework can be likened to the beginning of your relationships when your expectations were very low and you are truly in the level of enjoyment, ecstasy, play, caring and sharing. That taken 100-fold deeper is what our relationships are like all the time.

So when you have no expectations about the other person fulfilling your needs, what a load off your mind that is, what a load off your energy. You can enjoy yourself, you can truly experience unconditional love. The conditional love that is felt in third density is the love you will give if your needs are met, and if your needs are not met you don't give that love.

Can you begin to experience that love while still having the needs and recognizing them also?

Absolutely, yes.

So we don't have to wait for our needs to be gone for us to experience this love?

Correct. Again, it's not a light switch going on and off. It's a gradual movement from third- to fourth-density thinking.

I know a lot of people right now would chuck the whole fourth-density idea if they thought they had to manually clear all their needs before they got there.

By recognizing when you are conditionally loving someone, you then know there's an issue, so then you can actually go through it by turning that around to unconditionally loving them in spite of the issue. It will just automatically start unfolding.

Yes. What wonderful things await all of you! We know that your relationships are painful, and we've heard comments that humans have made such as, "If you can't feel the pain, you can't feel the ecstasy." In third density, that makes a lot of sense. In fourth density, that idea cannot exist. You all have a tremendous amount of love and joy locked within you that will begin to blossom when you stop expecting another person to validate you, when you stop expecting another person to make you feel whole. Once that idea is relinquished, you will soar.

That love that you will contain will be beyond what you can now conceive. You are moving in that direction, and those of you who choose to embrace the fourth-density idea¾whether diving right in or taking it baby steps¾going to start seeing changes, and you're going to start feeling changes inside of yourself. The pain will start to subside. The joy will start to grow, and we truly are excited to watch this happen because you will start to begin to see your divine connection. You will start to begin to know truly the beams of love that you really are.

We would like to honor you and acknowledge you for taking a path that, yes, is difficult. But we would also like to remind you that if you were incapable of taking the path you never would have chosen it. And so, we would like to close this evening with that acknowledgement and recognition of all that you've chosen, for like the analogy of the soup and the carrot, the things that you see now that you don't like in yourself, that you judge, that you're angry at, are so valuable because they make up the soup. If you judge them, they will stay there on the counter, and they will always be an issue. But if you allow them to exist and you take them with you in your growth, they will transform.

Much, much, much love to each and every one of you. It has been an absolute joy to have been a part of your gathering this evening, and it is our sensing that we will speak again on this matter shortly. Much love and goodnight.

Copyright © 1993, 1995 by Royal Priest Research, All Rights Reserved. This transcript is adapted from Tape #112 in the catalog.