Indecisiveness

A process facilitator finishes what she starts. That is one thing that makes a processing session different from everyday conversation. What is activated is taken through to a resolution.

The activation loop is: something gets activated and then it is resolved.

Or, alternatively: something is already activated and it is then resolved.

A failure to address and resolve what has been brought up doesn't make for very good processing. We use the term indecisiveness about the failure to finish an action one has started. Used here it refers to that the facilitator is indecisive, argues with herself, and changes her mind.

If I decide to go the store and get a bottle of milk, and halfway there I decide not to do it after all, and I go home again - that is indecisiveness. I just wasted my time.

Let's say the client mentions in the beginning of the session that he has trouble with his wife and with his work. I decide that his work would be the best to work on. We start some processes about his work. In the middle of doing that I decide that maybe it would be better to talk about his wife instead. That is indecisiveness. I start a process on something that doesn't get completed.

It is more important to finish what we are working on than it is to work on the most ideal thing.

However, there are some fine lines in this subject. You have to take the client's attention into consideration. You don't want to run one thing when he really has his main attention on something else. If you start running processes on "work" and both you and he realize that really "wife" is where it is at, then change by all means. But don't change just because you get the bright idea that "wife" would have been a better item. Don't yank the client's attention away from what you have put it on.

Deal with what the client's majority of attention is on, or what you have put it on. That will probably just be one or two areas in one session. Don't change the plan just because the client's thoughts flutter around a little bit and he mentions some other subjects. If he suddenly mentions trouble with "cars" or "taxes" don't change the target of the process. Stay on the subject.

What you should not be indecisive about is the subject, the target of the session. If it really turns out to be a mis-understanding, then change to something else. But don't ever change it just because you or the client think of something else along the way. Make a note of it, but don't change the subject you are addressing.

In pursuing the stuff that is the target you might have to use different techniques along the way. In unraveling the issue it might become clear that a different approach will work better. A different approach, not a different subject, mind you. For example, you might start with a light dialogue, find a fixed idea, handle that with unfixing, do more dialoguing, then run into an unwanted feeling, handle that with re-experiencing, and then you find that the whole area has been resolved. That is not indecisiveness, that is handling the person in front of you.

Anything but handling and resolving the issue that is there or that you brought up is indecisiveness. If client comes into session with her attention on a difficulty she has and you don't address it - that is indecisiveness. If you ask her: "How is your mother doing?" and she gets sad, and you then take up a different subject - that is indecisiveness.

This is simple enough, really. You just deal with what is there. The main cause of indecisiveness would generally be the facilitator's insecurity or uncertainly about being able to handle what is there. She might not feel she is experienced enough, what comes up might be really scary, she thinks it will take too long time or whatever.

The facilitator must not react to what is brought up. She must not nervous and worried once she sees what she provoked to come up. The very worst service you can do anybody is to pretend you will help them and then chicken out when they really open up. If you do get nervous about what comes up, at least pretend that you didn't and carry on anyway.

Issues can be activated because the facilitator creates a safe space and she is there to help. The facilitator must stand by her responsibility for making that happen. Whatever is brought up, she must stick with it and help the client as long as is needed.

The client's attention is a guide. It might be perfectly OK to shelve a subject at the end of the session and come back to it some other time, even if it is not fully resolved, if the client can easily take her attention off of it. But what she still has attention on must be taken through to some kind of resolution. What is activated must at least be desensitized before you leave it, if it isn't fully resolved.

The facilitator must be attentive to what is going on with the client, what her major attention is on, and if she is involved and so forth. The facilitator will continuously adjust her actions to be appropriate for the client. But she will not change her target just based on any whim of the client.

The client can not be counted on to keep track of what we have resolved or not. That is the facilitator's job. The facilitator will make sure that subjects are carried through, even when the client is fluttering about, not quite understanding what is going on.


Exercise

- Demonstrate or illustrate indecisiveness



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